Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
