what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
