i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
