They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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