you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
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I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
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Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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