He is an equal opportunity slut.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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