They should really pass out barf bags in church
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
