She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
