We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
