We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
