I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
