12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
