You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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