I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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