we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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