I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
