Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
