She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
