I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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