Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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