so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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