Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
