I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
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Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.