so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Wipe that smile off your face.
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Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.