Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on