You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
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She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm sobbing to NWA