I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.