guess who came home with a hottie last night
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!