bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."