i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
