I showed him my bush... on skype.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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