you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
