I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
