He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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