I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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