i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
