was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
