just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
