Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
PANTIES FOUND
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