so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
