ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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