he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
