I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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