There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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