I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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