Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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