My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
