I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
