I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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