Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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