The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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