This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
