i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
