I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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