he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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