I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
