hotel room ftw
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You need Xanax blowdarts
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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