One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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