besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
