I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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