Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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